The 9 Realizations Your Aspergers Teen Needs To Have To Become Independent, Happy, And Thriving

These are the realizations we had that enabled us to grow as people. Use this as a checklist, and guide your son or daughter to each one of these realizations, and they will be on the road to a successful life.

#1 “I have Aspergers”

The first realization is that your Aspergers Teen needs to accept that something is different about them. So many people are in denial about this, and use that denial as a defense mechanism. If your Aspergers teen gets to a point where they feel relatively safe and secure in life, they will be more likely to accept this fact.

In addition, it is kind of hard to change something unless you acknowledge it’s existence. This is a core principle in personal development of any kind. First see the difference, then understand it, then change.

#2 “I have a lot of work to do”

This goes along with #1. In order for your Aspergers teenager to grow into an independent, thriving individual, they need to understand what ares of themselves they need to work on.

#3: “It is alright to have others help me”

So many people with Aspergers think that they need to do everything themselves. They feel like the only way to “prove” to people that they are competent in the world is to take on the entire world alone. When your Aspergers Teen learns how to accept others help, they are now on the road to true transformation.

#4: “Someone has gone through my exact situation, and written down their solutions.”

This was a major realization for us. Most likely within 20 miles of your house exists the greatest treasure in the world. A place where the previous 2,000+ years of history, with all the mistakes that people have made, and their solutions, is stored. It’s called a library. There are some truly transformative books out there, from people who HAVE figured this out. We generally go by this one criteria when choosing books: Has the author experienced it themselves. So for example, if you were looking for someone who had been through all of the issues relating to Aspergers, and then found solutions, then you would look for someone like us 🙂

#5: “If I actually apply these solutions to myself, my life will be infinitely better.”

Reading about procrastination, happiness, getting over anxiety, motivation, etc. is one thing. Your Aspergers Teenager needs to understand that they not only need to read the books (or listen to audiobooks), but they need to APPLY the information they learn. Knowledge is not power. Applied knowledge is.

#6: “I really like doing (interest). I want to do it as a career.”

Your Aspergers Teenager needs to have something that they want to do that is bigger than just playing video games and watching TV all day. Without this critical component of a purpose, they will be content not doing anything with their life. Get them out and engaged in various activities. One will stick.

For me, this came in the form of traveling to other countries (and states in the US), as well as talking to ultra-successful people and starting to read their books. (See #4 and #5)

Some people might think that it is impossible for them to travel right now, or that they cannot find any successful people to talk to. Start with the books, and then follow the 4 Steps To Finding A Transformative Mentor. The people will start to show up.

#7 “I wonder if it is even possible for me to do (interest)”

They have moved onto the second stage of purpose. Now it is not just an idea. Most likely, they will have some books on the subject, and they have started to get on google and research their interest a bit more. Some momentum should be picking up now.

#8 “I can’t do this!”

This is a good thing. Everyone gets to the point where they think they cannot do something. You want to be looking for this. If it has come after they have committed and decided to do something, that means that they are about to breakthrough. What we’ve found is that generally we get really excited about some new topic of growth, then it overwhelms us and we get discouraged.

That moment of discouragement is perfectly pictured in this drawing:

#9: “I did this, what else can I do?”

Once your Aspergers teen proves to themselves that they CAN do something (doesn’t matter what it is), they will immediately ask “What else can I do?”. From there, the journey has really begun.


There will be lots of bumps in this road to learning and transformative growth. One of the best things you can do is get someone besides yourself to teach your child these realizations. They would be more likely to listen.

We’ve done all the work for you in that area, and put together a program designed to get your child to have these exact realizations. You don’t even need to deal with all the frustration and exhaustion that normally comes with getting people with Aspergers to change. We got it all covered.

To take a well deserved break, relax, and let us do the teaching, as well as discover the steps your child needs to understand in order to “get” these realizations, click here.

17 thoughts on “The 9 Realizations Your Aspergers Teen Needs To Have To Become Independent, Happy, And Thriving

  1. Hi I just wondered if you have any recommendations of who to have children with these realizations? Do you think a therapist or counselor is best?

  2. I’ve read many tips and tricks on “Dealing” with your asperger teen and all I’ve been reading about is how aspergers teens are immature and give up easily or don’t follow through on things. As an Asperger teen myself, this is offensive. I’ve actually met many other teens with aspergers who are also not like this. Aspergers is high functioning autism, we are not slackers or little kids who do nothing but play video games.
    – “Your Aspergers Teenager needs to have something that they want to do that is bigger than just playing video games and watching TV all day.”
    Aspies do things differently, they think differently. Many can be very mature, now i see where they could be immature, but not all the time. I am 15 and i can act like an 8 year old, but on the flip side i can also act like an adult. Don’t stereotype

    1. Dear Julia. I am sorry to hear that you feel stereotyped. My 11 year old Aspie may feel in some respects the same but then it is not for those reasons that i follow AspergerExperts. I explained to him that, although he finds ways to do his homework, it has been a struggle he has overcome years ago due to school rules and reinforcement of the rules at school and at home. Many other issues resolved over time due to a combination of our intervention as parents and teachers but also due to his ability to learn and understand. You seem to be one of those lucky people who has had a great environment for you to overcome the hurdles in your life as time went on. Perhaps Asperger Experts is not for you (if nothing applies) but most of us have searched for years and years for ways to go about our children and AspergerExperts WORKS. Nothing else clicked before. Now it does. I wish you the very best for your future. You are a very fortunate and mature teen. You seem to have done exceptionally well.

    2. Hi julia,
      I wanted to ask a question.
      I have a girlfriend she’s 37 years old and she has a son
      that has AS and will be 15 years old in a couple of weeks.
      He does really well in school gets awards ,he is very verbal, he always seems to be happy . When he is around his mother all that stops . It seems to be very defiant with his mother .
      My question is this , why is he so good and attentive in school and then when he gets around his mother it’s like a battle ?
      [Email address removed]

  3. Debbi,

    Could it be that TV/Computer games ARE his interests? Could he join a group related to that? Video game club etc.

    All the best,

  4. My seventeen year old son was diagnosed at five and with learning issues school was never fun. He has never had a friend and really wants one. He has no interests at all which is difficult. He is not sporty and only interested in TV and computer games. I have tried getting him to join a group based activity so that he can meet people but he’s not interested in anything. Next year he will work full time as a vet assistant but as wonderful as that is, he will not make friends there. Any suggestions?

    1. But he may find friends there. Friends aren’t people our own age — they are people with whom we share interests and passions. My son has found relationships more like friendships when he started working at store specializing in tropical fish — one of his special interests. Is it what I would call friendship? Not quite, but it works for him, and that’s what counts. I hope your son has, in the past many months, found people who he counts as friends.

  5. I am going through a similar situation with my 14 year-old stepson. Dad knows there is something not right, but says it hurts too much to bring up the situation and deal with it. I have never been diagnosed myself; however, score very high on Aspie tests (I’ve taken multiple). I have always known there was something “not right” with me, and that I wasn’t like normal kids my age, I’m 31 now, so I can relate to what he is going through. I am hoping that the article suggested above will help shed some light on the situation. Right now both biological parents are not seeing the need to deal with the situation, and I fear if they continue to ignore it, his co-dependency, and lack of social interaction will only continue to get worse. If anyone has any other suggestions, I would be happy to have them.

  6. I am going through a similar situation with my 14 year old step daughter and my husband can see she is different but not concerned with getting her diagnosed. Which brings me to my next question, how would you go about diagnosing a teenager and what are you saying to that teen about the test?

    1. Linda, my 14 year old daughter received her official diagnosis 3 days ago, so we are BRAND new to all of this. The test that is done to determine Autism Spectrum Disorder, is called an ADOS. My daughter has been in counseling on and off for years trying to help her from a childhood trauma but it was only a month ago that a therapist said that looking at her behavior and history, she suspected that my daughter could have Asperger’s. I always knew something was different, but attributed it all to the childhood trauma and had no experience at all with any close friends/family with any form of Autism.
      From there, the counseling center referred us to a specific agency in our town that provides Autism services. I got the appointment fairly quickly and started reading up online on Asperger’s. As I read the first article, I saw my daughter in 99% of what it said.
      It has been great to get an actual diagnosis and find that there are a ton of resources available to help us on this journey. It’s also overwhelming and scary, but so much better than not knowing.
      Oh, and in answer to your last question.. because my daughter was already used to counseling, I just told her “They think that the reason you have such a hard time with communicating, etc, is because you might have Asperger’s. They want to have you tested so if you are, they can better help you.” I didn’t elaborate on exactly what Asperger’s is, or Autism. She didn’t ask many questions. When she does ask, I try to give her honest answers in the simplest way possible so as not to overwhelm her and make her more anxious.
      I know I’m late to this conversation, but hopefully you will see this and it can help with your step daughter.

  7. I am a new step-mother to a 14 year old boy who very clearly has aspergers, but no one in the family dares to breach the subject. His father agrees, but has himself not dealt with this. What material would be good for us to read at this stage. We need a starting point. I am a regular ed/ special needs teacher, though quite new to the profession. I have talked to my husband about obtaining an actual diagnosis, but I don’t think he sees the importance of this. As my step-son gets older I see the gap of his age group and himself more and more, and want to be able to help him. Thank you in advance for any information that you have to help us.

    1. When we started down this journey just a year ago (my son is 17 now) we started by letting him read an article online that a man had written about how he felt growing up as an Aspie. My son ended the article and said “this is just like me except this part.” As a parent it opened our eyes to the fact that we were not the only ones that saw it, and that our own son could see it in himself. With this type of information your husband is bound to open his eyes…so maybe having your husband see it is not just you would cause him to wake up that his son needs his help.

      1. I just saw your note on this forum about showing your 17 year old son an article about being as Aspie. Would you still have a link to that article? I am exactly at that point with my 17 year old son.

        Thank you.

    2. I am also a new step-mother to a 17 year old boy with Aspergers. My husband realized his son’s condition a few years back after we met. He has a hard time dealing with it. To make matters worse, my step-son’s mother has denied any diagnosis since he was very little even after teachers and family members pointed out issues. To date she is in complete denial and even prohibited my husband from pursuing any type of therapy to help his son. My step-son does not know of his actual diagnosis. He thinks he is perfectly fine because his mother tells him so. Even when we discuss individual issues, he says there is nothing to fix. He lies, denies, makes things up, plays video games all day and night, rarely gets out of his room (other than to school) does not take showers unless prompted and even then fights back saying he is not sweet (in the middle of 85 degree summer) He does not brush his teeth unless prompted. Does not shave or let us cut his hair. He does not take initiative for anything new. He has a lot of social anxiety. Hates things that he once liked. Does not eat chicken when it is on the bone, things that sticky drive him crazy. Dirt is a issue. Does not exercise at all, even walking is a problem. I don’t know how to help this poor child when his mother does not even care to help him. Seems like she wants to avoid the issue. Her and her mother do everything for him. It is extremely hard to let go and watch it all just be without intervening to help, at least while he spends time with us during the summer and every other weekend. Is there anything we could do in these circumstances without using the diagnosis since he is not aware? Valerie Martinez could you please share the article you were referring to?

      1. He is perfectly fine. He doesn’t need fixing, and that’s likely the language that’s setting him off. Teens are wrapped up in identity — who they are and what their purpose is. To find oneself with a new label — Aspergers — at that point must be incredibly hard, as it’s something that changes self-concept.
        Try asking him what bothers and challenges him. What skills would be useful to learn? Would it be handy to become more aware of facial expressions, for example? Can you find ways to support who he is — which is the same guy he was before the diagnosis — by asking him what would make his goals easier to reach?

        My own son with Aspergers is 15, and as that age is hard regardless of neurological status, many days feel like uphill marches. But he does best when he’s not being told he needs to be fixed. When he sees learning new skills as useful to him then he’s on board. Note: Anxiety undoes all willingness and ability to learn. If that’s a driver, addressing it promptly would be wise. I know your powers as stepmom can be less than what you’d like, but it might be worth talking with his father about that.


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