Life isn’t about luck. A lot of people would like to think it is, because it makes them feel better, but it isn’t. The mechanics of life are not about luck, they are about finding the right recipe and then following it.
There are recipes for everything. We all know that there are recipes for food and music. But there are also recipes for pretty much everything else in life.
In today’s highly connected world, learning how to do something is never the hard part. And then once you do learn how, if you follow the instructions you should get a similar result.
The problem lies in “following the recipe” part. In order to properly follow the recipe, you need 2 things: 1) Willingness and 2) Emotional capacity.
There is a huge (but often not understood) difference between wanting something and being willing to do the work it requires to get the thing. There are a lot more people that want to write a book than are willing to write a book. There are a lot more people that want to eat healthy than are willing to eat healthy.
You can want something all you want. You can get the recipe. Spend YEARS understanding it, and know every intricacy, detail and piece of minutiae about the recipe.
BUT, if you aren’t willing to actually follow the recipe, you’ll never get there. Every day, we see people in our AE+ support group that ask “How do I get my kid out of Defense Mode”.
So we ask them, Have you gone through our “Deep Into Defense Mode” course, or attended our DIDM Live workshop? (Or at least read our overview article on Defense Mode?)
Usually, they’ll say something along the lines of, “I bought the course, but I haven’t gone through it yet.” These are the people that WANT to get their kid out of DM, but they aren’t WILLING to get their kid out of DM yet.
If they were willing, they would do the actions necessary. They have the recipe. All they need to do is follow it, assuming they have the emotional capacity that is.
On the other hand, you have people who want the thing, have the willingness to do what it takes, but don’t have the emotional capacity to handle the process.
A lot of people define comfort as “The warm, fluffy thing” and deem that they need to be comfortable enough to be able to do something. And thus, they get stuck.
We define comfort as “What you know and have experienced before”. Using that definition, it becomes clear why some people are VERY comfortable being sick, tired & angry all the time. If we look at that using the first definition of comfort, that makes no sense at all. Using the second definition of comfort, “What you know and have experienced before”, it becomes clear.
So in order to do something new, you’ll need to experience things you’ve never experienced. That means new feelings, sensations, knowledge, processes, etc. Which, by very definition, is uncomfortable. And the minute that happens, most people get stuck.
The way to get unstuck, and build the emotional capacity is to become comfortable with that which was once uncomfortable. The easiest way to do that is by Being With It.
Simply allowing your sensations to happen so you get used to them.
Once we get used to our feelings and sensations, we can change our relationships to them.
Once you do that, all you need to do is follow the recipe.
If you’re struggling to make the mechanics of life work for you, sometimes building your support system is a good place to start.