6 Things I’ve Learned About Friendship
1
Featured Articles
-
The 9 Most Important Things To Remember When Raising Someone With Asperger's
By Danny Raede
You read a book. Or listen to a doctor or therapist and think "That's a great idea!"... but when it is time to finally IMPLEMENT that advice, you easily forget to actually use your new found wisdom. Sound familiar? It's something I've done time and time again. So as a reminder, here are the top 9 things to remember when raising someone with Asperger's. You might want to print this one out and hang it somewhere to remind you. #9 - It's Not Personal This is an essential mindset to a- 1 comment
- 8,881 views
-
I was a picky eater until age 25... here's what changed
By Danny Raede
At school I ate a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for lunch almost every single day from 1st grade - 10th grade. When I say almost every single day, I mean that I can literally count on both hands the number of days I didn’t eat PB&J. I was one of the pickiest eaters you can imagine. Everything had to be a certain way. EVERYTHING. I had to have a specific brand of bread. I had to have a certain type of jelly. And if you used the same knife to cut my sandwich that touched anything gre- 6 comments
- 2,989 views
-
The day I finally believed I could
By Danny Raede
It was the Spring of 2013. I was sitting in a chair on day 3 of a 4 day seminar on spreading your message as an expert. At that time, Asperger Experts had really only reached about 100 people or so (mainly my mom’s friends) and I WANTED to do great things in the world, but I really didn’t believe I could. Then that day, I “got it”. Finally I was in a place where people could see I was doing great work, I felt appreciated, and more than that, I had guidance. The speaker on stage was tel- 0 comments
- 733 views
-
This is going to suck
By Danny Raede
This is going to suck. A lot. I’m not talking about this article. I’m talking about your journey with Asperger’s. There are times when you are going to be frustrated. There are times when you are going to want to give up. There are going to be times when you just can’t. At all. You have 0 left to give. There are times when you are going to be confused. There are times when you are going to feel like the weight of the world rests squarely on your shoulders. And there are going- 2 comments
- 947 views
-
You are an awesome parent. Here's how we know
By Danny Raede
Stop berating yourself. Seriously. Stop, right now. You’re an awesome parent. Do you want to know how I know that? I’ll tell you. At this very moment you’re reading an article trying to learn how you can better help your child. Bad parents don’t do that. In fact, bad parents are often the ones that think they they already know everything there is to know about parenting. Having occasional doubts about your child’s capability doesn’t make you a terrible mother or father. It only makes you hu- 1 comment
- 1,028 views
since i can remember
Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Son was Diagnosed With Asperger's Syndrome
Co-Dependency & The Rope
My Parents Tried Everything. I Was A Nightmare Child.
Black Swans & Confirmation Bias
The Stories I Told Myself Stole My Power
The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress
How I Finally Found Relief From My Cataclysmic Panic Attacks
What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode
He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!
I'm Done Grieving What's Not, Now Let's See What Is
Teenage Girls & Late Diagnosis
School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance
You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know
Struggling At School And Finally Getting A Diagnosis
My Story: Getting Stuck & Not Fitting In
Sometimes You Need To Connect The Dots For Them
Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method
The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)
My Anxiety As A Parent Prevented Me From Seeing This
Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First
-
Latest Featured Articles
Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places
The support group for mothers of autistic children met once a month, in an old elementary school. The women sat at a lunchroom table. I scanned them all, and only one looked as old as me. Ah, well. I was used to being the oldest mother in the room. I walked over to an empty chair, and asked, “Is this seat taken?” A red haired woman answered, “No, have a seat.” As I took my coat off, I noticed that many of the women had their eyes directed to the open door in the back corner of th 
The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)
Do you feel that? Right there in your chest. . . Listen. . . That’s your heart. That’s what’s keeping you alive right now. If you’re like most people, your heart will have beat roughly 4,800 times in the last hour (80 times per minute). However, what you may not realize is that not all of those beats were exactly the same. Most people’s heartbeat tends to be pretty steady but not perfectly so. Some beats happen a little faster and therefore closer together. Others are just a little slo 
We should talk about Covid 19
I’m freaking out. You’re freaking out. We are all losing our marbles. We are in a scary time, there’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of change in routine, and a lot of chaos. At Asperger Experts we aren’t denying that and we don’t want you to deny it either. It is of the utmost importance that for the health of ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors, and complete strangers that we stringently practice empathy, social distancing, washing hands, and if need be social isolation. But in addition t 
Demonstrations VS Declarations: How To Know If You Are An Effective Parent
I was in Los Angeles last weekend, walking around DTLA and people watching and observed something I had seen thousands of times over the years: Parents telling their kids what to do. Not in the sense of "Throw away your trash" or "Come here", but things like "You need to trust me" and "Calm down". It occurred to me that the most effective parents, the ones that have a deep relationship with their child, and the ones that ultimately raise physically & emotionally healthy children that go Here on Earth
My 5 year old son, C, is one of a kind. He is the most imaginative person I have ever met. He lives in a world full of magic, but visits our mundane planet to spend time with the people he loves (and for the chocolate). The sensations on this planet can be hard for him to handle. Some noises are so loud or distracting that he has to plug his ears. Some places that are so quiet that it makes his head hurt. He is afraid of the dark, but bright lights make him edgy (even if he doesn't realize 
Give, Not Get
This is a paradigm shift that changed my life, so I'd like to share it with you: When we want to change something about a person, place or thing, it is very common in our society to ask "How can I get X to...?" "How can I get my daughter to do her homework?" "How can I get my husband to finally pick up his socks?" "How can I get my computer to stop freezing on me?" Yet when we ask "How can I get?" there are some hidden assumptions there that can be very dangerous and damaging 
New Years Resolution Revolution
Every year I told myself that I was going to go the gym. Every year, I was going to get healthy…. I’m going to get healthy, I’m going to get healthy, I’m going to get healthy. But come the first week of January, or any time really, I would be in that gym for 10 minutes max. Sensory overload is the loud noises of weights dropping. The massive amounts of people. Someone engaging me in a conversation that I really don’t care about. It's uncomfortably bypassing a group of extremely buff people on Asperger's Means Afraid
In September, my son James started at his new school. I decided not to tell his teachers about his autism diagnosis. I was determined that he not be labeled. As a teacher myself, I knew what labeling did to a child -- it hurt them, it stunted them. Even though I worked hard not to categorize my special needs’ students, I still sighed when I saw the words “learning disabled” on a student’s file at the beginning of the year. To put it simply, it meant more work for me. I was determined that 
Celebrating Differently with Danny!
By Ellen Raede (Danny's mom) Raising a son with Asperger's, we often had to celebrate in a different way. Here are three examples: 1) When Danny turned 12, we were on vacation in Seattle. To celebrate his actual birthday, Danny didn't want a party or special dinner, but instead requested a tour of Microsoft Headquarters. Fortunately, we had a business acquaintance whose son coordinated a fabulous tour of the campus. I really didn't understand all of the technical terms or descriptio 
How Emotional and Somatic Balancing Technique helped my Autism
Throughout my life I have not been able to relate to people on a level where I feel connected, understood, or accepted, and even more painful . . . in a way I feel loved. There was always a missing piece, a sense of being different, excluded, isolated, and just not part of. I used to love rolling myself up in a rug and feel the tightness around me. I loved my grandmother’s heavy comforter. I could barely slip under it, and as I lied there with this heavy weight from the comforter on my ches 
When My Son Was Diagnosed
Right after James’ diagnosis of autism, his preschool had an end -of -the -year party. Parents talked about their vacation plans while little ones played on the swings and slides. I sat on the curb, away from everyone and glared at them. I glared at his teachers, who had first referred James for testing. I glared at the kids, who had refused to play with him all year and even now, were avoiding him. I glared at the other parents, especially the woman who had said upon hearing our news, “Oh, we 
Are The Holidays Something You Dread?
Are the holidays something you dread? Maybe it’s too many people, high expectation placed upon you or even worse low expectations? You’re not alone. I can tell you that I approach holidays from a very different place now that I know better. What do I mean by know better? I mean listening to my own body and being honest about the capacity I have for celebrations, as well as listening to my twins Lillian & Chloe. Before I understood what Asperger’s/Autism was, I took my daughters 
Coming Out with Autism
Coming Out with Autism By Eva Angvert Harren, Core Coach and Educator Often when we get into recovery we think, “Oh, THAT’s what’s wrong with me! Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I know how to fix it.” If I use the 12 steps and do what they tell me, I’ll become a better wife, mom, daughter, friend…a better whatever! That great awakening happened for me in 1990. The support in the 12-step programs is incredible, and many participants of these programs create a life beyond 
My Experience With AE: I'm Impressed
Note: This letter was emailed in to us, so, with permission, we're posting it on the behalf of the author here. I attended one of Danny’s seminars early this year on Getting Unstuck. I want to share my impressions with you. I was so impressed with the quality of the work he and his partners are doing, the resources they offer, and their international reach…and with the brilliant, courageous participants. I am a psychotherapist specializing in trauma treatment and an executive coac 
He did what I asked without reminders, and it's only day 2!
Note: This author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we are posting this for them. Guys. Yesterday C and I discussed mandatory non-electronic down time after school (and what qualifies), then the importance of doing homework and chores before electronics. He rolled around on the floor and moaned for a short time when it came time to do chores, and then he suddenly sat up and with pursed eyebrows said, "I'm feeling overwhelmed." I asked him if he would like me to help 
Three years ago I was depressed. Then I came across AE
Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Three years ago I came across you in a state of acute desperation. My 11 year old eldest daughter had been diagnosed with aspergers, and our life was in chaos. She was decidedly unhappy and angry and we all tip-toed around her sensitivities and tantrums. She would squeeze her head to stop unwelcome thoughts, throw things and destroy her possessions in her anger, and I lived in trepidat 
I have never been impacted by any experience as much as I was at an Asperger Experts seminar
Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain semi-anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Dear Asperger Experts; I recently flew from New Jersey, to Seattle, to attend your two day seminar with my 15 year old son who is on the autistic spectrum. I am a physician and have practiced for 16 years, at some of the most prestigious institutions in the country.. I have attended countless seminars and conferences watching presentations of the most innovative advancements 
It's only been a few days and... wow
Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. I have 5 children 2 of which have aspergers, We have struggled for the last few years with my now 14yr old son who is aspergers. He has been (as we now know) in full defence mode. His school anxiety became so bad 2 years ago that he developed emetaphobia and refused to eat which resulted in dangerous weight loss and him being signed out of school on medical grounds, after a long battl 
How to motivate by adding direction
There’s a famous scene in Alice in Wonderland where Alice encounters the Cheshire Cat in a tree and asks him for directions. The interchange went something like this: Alice: “I just wanted to ask you about which way I should go.” Cat: “Well, that depends on where you want to get to.” Alice: “Oh, it really doesn’t matter so long as I get somewhere.” Cat: “Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go...” See, your child doesn’t just need to have enough internal and exter 
On bed time arguments & assuming you are right
Once upon a time I was coaching a mother and her daughter who was diagnosed with Asperger’s (we’ll call her Sarah). In one particular session, they were having some disagreement about what constituted an appropriate bedtime for a ten year-old. Sarah insisted that she wanted to stay up reading an additional thirty minutes and that she could still wake up on time. Mom was principally opposed to the idea. She said that she frequently had to nag Sarah all the way out of bed and through her morn 
Belief, enabling & an electric wheelchair
I was once working with a mother who had a twenty-something year-old son living in her basement. She complained to me that he never did anything except play video games. I asked her to describe what approaches she had tried so far, and what a typical day looked like. What she said next genuinely surprised me. It turned out that her son had no regard for cleanliness and self-care. So, bless her heart, mom would go down to the basement every day to clean and organize his room. She also said h
