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The 9 Most Important Things To Remember When Raising Someone With Asperger's
By Danny Raede
You read a book. Or listen to a doctor or therapist and think "That's a great idea!"... but when it is time to finally IMPLEMENT that advice, you easily forget to actually use your new found wisdom. Sound familiar? It's something I've done time and time again. So as a reminder, here are the top 9 things to remember when raising someone with Asperger's. You might want to print this one out and hang it somewhere to remind you. #9 - It's Not Personal This is an essential mindset to a- 1 comment
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My Asperger's + early emotional trauma = need to control
By Danny Raede
"To be honest, when I was diagnosed with Asperger’s (High-Functioning Autism) at age twelve, it didn’t have much of an impact on me. My parents, the therapist, and I sat on the couch as the good doctor took a few minutes to explain the particulars of my diagnosis while I listened politely. He asked if I had any questions. I didn’t. I remember thinking it was a funny word, but, at the time, I didn’t comprehend its full meaning. To me, it was just a word like any other. And that was it. In fa- 2 comments
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Why rewards & punishment don't work
By Danny Raede
Note: This was written by a parent who wished to remain anonymous. I am prompted to expound on this topic because I am frequently in frustrating positions trying to explain to others why their well intentioned suggestions of a rewards and punishments model will not work with my neuro atypical daughter. I try hard to not be offended at their description and apparent assumption that I am not familiar with B.F. Skinner and behavioral psychology when I not only have a masters degree and 25 yea- 3 comments
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The pain of not being heard
By Danny Raede
Imagine this.... Dad comes home from work and tells little Johnny to take out the trash. So Johnny disappears for about 10 minutes and then says “I did it!’. When the dad checks, the trash is literally just sitting outside the door. So dad gets frustrated. Meanwhile Johnny still thinks he fulfills his end, and this devolves into a fight. The problem here is unclear expectations AHEAD of time about what “take out the trash” means. In other words, if you are speaking German and- 0 comments
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I have never been impacted by any experience as much as I was at an Asperger Experts seminar
By Danny Raede
Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain semi-anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Dear Asperger Experts; I recently flew from New Jersey, to Seattle, to attend your two day seminar with my 15 year old son who is on the autistic spectrum. I am a physician and have practiced for 16 years, at some of the most prestigious institutions in the country.. I have attended countless seminars and conferences watching presentations of the most innovative advancements- 0 comments
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since i can remember
Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Son was Diagnosed With Asperger's Syndrome
Co-Dependency & The Rope
My Parents Tried Everything. I Was A Nightmare Child.
Black Swans & Confirmation Bias
The Stories I Told Myself Stole My Power
The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress
How I Finally Found Relief From My Cataclysmic Panic Attacks
What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode
He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!
I'm Done Grieving What's Not, Now Let's See What Is
Teenage Girls & Late Diagnosis
School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance
You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know
Struggling At School And Finally Getting A Diagnosis
My Story: Getting Stuck & Not Fitting In
Sometimes You Need To Connect The Dots For Them
Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method
The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)
My Anxiety As A Parent Prevented Me From Seeing This
Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First
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Start With These Articles
The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress
Starting in middle school, about when I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I started to get really stressed out once I got home from school. It became a problem for my parents to get me to do homework while at the same time honoring my need to unwind and have that decompression time. What they ended up doing (and what has worked really well ever since) was following this after-school/work schedule that we created through trial and error. Here it is: The biggest thing that makes this schedule What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode
When I was deep in Defense Mode, it felt like I was constantly overwhelmed. It felt like I was constantly being attacked. Every single little thing, whether or not it actually had a logical, rational basis for being threatening, changed and colored my entire perspective. So for example: A pen could be threatening in Defense Mode, not because somebody is throwing it at you, but just because it is there, and seeing it triggers you in some way. In Defense Mode, I often felt the need to control He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!
"Dear Asperger Experts, We are struggling and could really use some advice. We have been trying for months to talk to my son with Asperger’s (age 17) about some of his ongoing issues, and these conversations continually hit a brick wall. He has NO interest in learning basic social skills, getting a job, doing his homework, practicing basic hygiene, eating healthier… the list goes on. In fact, it seems he only cares about playing video games. He almost never leaves his room! When he does com School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance
They Locked Him In A Closet. My name is Emily. I'm a mom, and an Aspie. I have two Aspie sons. One is 20. One is 19. I am a retired lawyer who had to hire a lawyer to sue my school district because of what happened with my son. Right off the bat I want to say that I would never have done that by myself. I think you need to have a professional. If you're living in a school district that doesn't want to work with you, if you find yourself at a meeting and you're confused, bring in a professio You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know
Seriously. Take a moment. Breathe. Sit and absorb this message: You are an amazing parent. You know how much you have to put up with that most parents never do? They would probably crack after 1 day in your shoes. I would say that I don’t know how you do it, but I do (and you do too!). And if you are doubting yourself remember this: We work with over 400,000 people in over 89 countries, so we’ve seen some patterns develop. The so called “bad parents” aren’t the ones reading about Asperger’ Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method
Allow me to provide you with a simple but powerful script that you can use as a template for having uncomfortable conversations when you need to hold boundaries... without walking on eggshells. It's called the X, Y, Z method and it has three parts: When you did X in Y situation, I felt Z. That might sound something like this; "When you came home an hour after curfew last night, I felt worried." Or to give another example; "When you left your coat on the living room floor after school y The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)
Do you feel that? Right there in your chest. . . Listen. . . That’s your heart. That’s what’s keeping you alive right now. If you’re like most people, your heart will have beat roughly 4,800 times in the last hour (80 times per minute). However, what you may not realize is that not all of those beats were exactly the same. Most people’s heartbeat tends to be pretty steady but not perfectly so. Some beats happen a little faster and therefore closer together. Others are just a little slo The Most Effective Way To Motivate Someone With Asperger's
The Issue Isn't That They Are Unmotivated (Here's Why) In my experience, most people that manage to roll themselves out of bed in the morning and engage in some activity besides staring at a wall all day are motivated people. How do I know that? Because they’re moving with a purpose. Psychology has a much broader definition for motivation than most of us. Someone might think of the motivation behind a morning jog as the desire to be happier and get in shape. However, a psychologist wo Defense Mode: Why people with Asperger's seem stuck & shutdown so often
"Everyone is always doing as well as they can within their personal limitations, their personal history, what they know and don't know and what they're feeling in that moment. If they could make a healthier decision, they would. This includes you." - Carl Alasko, PhD. Not Now, Grandma! Imagine a young soldier crouching behind a rocky outcropping. Bullets are flying overhead and explosions are booming in the distance. She feels trapped. Beneath her mud splattered military fatigues, her
