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  • Danny Raede

    I was a picky eater until age 25... here's what changed

    By Danny Raede

    At school I ate a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for lunch almost every single day from 1st grade - 10th grade. When I say almost every single day, I mean that I can literally count on both hands the number of days I didn’t eat PB&J. I was one of the pickiest eaters you can imagine. Everything had to be a certain way. EVERYTHING. I had to have a specific brand of bread. I had to have a certain type of jelly. And if you used the same knife to cut my sandwich that touched anything gre
    • 5 comments
    • 783 views
  • Danny Raede

    The 9 Most Important Things To Remember When Raising Someone With Asperger's

    By Danny Raede

    You read a book. Or listen to a doctor or therapist and think "That's a great idea!"... but when it is time to finally IMPLEMENT that advice, you easily forget to actually use your new found wisdom. Sound familiar? It's something I've done time and time again. So as a reminder, here are the top 9 things to remember when raising someone with Asperger's. You might want to print this one out and hang it somewhere to remind you. If you'd like more reminders, inspiration, and hope, you can join
    • 1 comment
    • 3,489 views
  • Danny Raede

    You are an awesome parent. Here's how we know

    By Danny Raede

    Stop berating yourself. Seriously. Stop, right now. You’re an awesome parent. Do you want to know how I know that? I’ll tell you. At this very moment you’re reading an article trying to learn how you can better help your child. Bad parents don’t do that. In fact, bad parents are often the ones that think they they already know everything there is to know about parenting. Having occasional doubts about your child’s capability doesn’t make you a terrible mother or father. It only makes you hu
    • 1 comment
    • 440 views
  • Eva Angvert Harren

    Coming Out with Autism

    By Eva Angvert Harren

    Coming Out with Autism By Eva Angvert Harren, Core Coach and Educator Often when we get into recovery we think, “Oh, THAT’s what’s wrong with me! Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I know how to fix it.” If I use the 12 steps and do what they tell me, I’ll become a better wife, mom, daughter, friend…a better whatever! That great awakening happened for me in 1990. The support in the 12-step programs is incredible, and many participants of these programs create a life beyond
    • 4 comments
    • 1,849 views
  • Danny Raede

    We're returning to Los Angeles for our flagship workshop!

    By Danny Raede

    We're returning to Los Angeles for our flagship workshop, Deep Into Defense Mode Live! We'll be in Pasadena, CA on March 21st & 22nd, 2020 with 40 awesome individuals ready to get out of Defense Mode, gain some clarity & know what to do when it comes to motivation, relationships & more. In this workshop, we focus on 4 major areas: Understanding Defense Mode - What goes on inside the mind & body of someone with Asperger's when they are in Defense Mode? Stop Wal
    • 0 comments
    • 741 views
 

Triggered By Fear

I've been staying at home self-quarantining myself for over a week since this epidemic became a pandemic. Last Sunday, I tried to stay calm with myself, hoping that everything will be okay as there is always hope that things will get better if we do our part self-distancing ourselves from other crowds 6 feet apart. But when I was having leftover Mexican food for lunch, I yelled at my parents that I'm not gonna finish everything. The way I yelled was for them to grab my attention by listening to

VictoriaDeG100

VictoriaDeG100

 

How the pandemic is effecting an Aspie

So... I posted this to my timeline to document and help me cope with the current world as this seems to help me cope a little better and a dear friend suggested that I document things..... This is to give people insight into what this pandemic is like from someone who has autism .... This is not an end all be all fits every situation sort of thing.. I am just documenting it so people can understand how one Aspie is trying to cope.. Right now I am overstimulated by people... news... pla

celticht32

celticht32

Dealing with disrupted routines

Dealing with disrupted routines

All of our routines are being disrupted in some way right now. Even if you live in the basement and just play video games all day, we're all being affected. So how do you build a new routine and create some certainty in your life when every day is different? Here's some ideas: First, recognize that above all else, establishing a routine is more about having a sense of certainty than it is keeping an exact schedule. It's about knowing what to expect, and having a sense of familiarity wi

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

 

Defense Mode Self-Quarantine

The coronavirus outbreak is driving me crazy right now. I can't go to the therapy center and have to stay home instead, my 19-year-old sister Mikayla is coming home from Loyola Chicago, and my 16-year-old Katrina doesn't have school, which means schools and colleges are closed in favor of online classes. According to state governors, this quarantine is not a snow day. But my parents have to work to take care of me and my family in this household while trying to be super precautious with their hy

VictoriaDeG100

VictoriaDeG100

We should talk about Covid 19

We should talk about Covid 19

I’m freaking out. You’re freaking out. We are all losing our marbles. We are in a scary time, there’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of change in routine, and a lot of chaos. At Asperger Experts we aren’t denying that and we don’t want you to deny it either. It is of the utmost importance that for the health of ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors, and complete strangers that we stringently practice empathy, social distancing, washing hands, and if need be social isolation. But in addition t

Wirtjo Leonard

Wirtjo Leonard

 

How I Keep My Hands Off My Face Amidst Coronavirus Concerns

The Coronavirus on the news is driving me crazy right now. This brought me back to the Ebola outbreak back in 2014. These outbreaks remind me of the Flare from The Maze Runner, where the kids get sent to maze to see if they were immune to this virus. This makes me wish I was immune to both Ebola and the Coronavirus. If someone in my hometown got tested positive for the Coronavirus, I would quarantine myself in my house and not take the bus to work to prevent myself from getting that virus. Or sh

VictoriaDeG100

VictoriaDeG100

 

Why I Wanted To Be A Writer And Dealing With The Priorities That Get In The Way Of My Writing

Here's what you need to know about me. I'm 23 years old and I have high-functioning autism. With my autism, I would feel trapped like I don't know what to say or don't know what to do or don't know what to think that it causes me to shut down. Despite the highs and lows in having autism, what makes me who I am as a person is that I have a wild, endless imagination as well as a greater sense of curiosity. With that imagination and curiosity inside me, I was meant to do something creative the firs
 

Hygiene, Manscaping, & Defense Mode

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT: DESCRIPTIONS OF NUDITY. What up guys, Growth Monkey here. Before I start, I want to preface this by saying that in addition to getting help, I'm also using this blog as an opportunity to work on my blogging skills for when I eventually start my own blog as a way to build a following for my own eventual online business. So feel free to react, follow, & leave feedback.   Hygiene, Manscaping, & Defense Mode First of all, let me preface this

Growth Monkey

Growth Monkey

 

Welcome to "Starting from the Bottom"

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT. VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED. OH YEAH, & THIS IS LONG. REALLY LONG. What's good, everybody? Welcome to my blog on life with Asperger's. Before I get started, I think I should let you guys in on a little background info.   Who Am I? I am a 23-year-old man born & raised in the suburbs of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 3 years old, and at the time, could barely talk or run, let alone make friends on the

Growth Monkey

Growth Monkey

 

Labels

One of the hardest decisions I had to make as a parent of a child with Aspergers was what to tell people when they met him. Should I let them form their own opinions of James perhaps wondering about his lack of eye contact, but charmed by his incredible vocabulary, and a little confused by his volatile anger all on their own? Or should I interject my pat phrase, “James has Aspergers, which is high-functioning autism. He’s very intelligent, but he has emotional problems.” It seemed prudent t

Kristina Lakes

Kristina Lakes

Demonstrations VS Declarations: How To Know If You Are An Effective Parent

Demonstrations VS Declarations: How To Know If You Are An Effective Parent

I was in Los Angeles last weekend, walking around DTLA and people watching and observed something I had seen thousands of times over the years: Parents telling their kids what to do. Not in the sense of "Throw away your trash" or "Come here", but things like "You need to trust me" and "Calm down". It occurred to me that the most effective parents, the ones that have a deep relationship with their child, and the ones that ultimately raise physically & emotionally healthy children that go

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

 

Here on Earth

My 5 year old son, C, is one of a kind. He is the most imaginative person I have ever met. He lives in a world full of magic, but visits our mundane planet to spend time with the people he loves (and for the chocolate).  The sensations on this planet can be hard for him to handle. Some noises are so loud or distracting that he has to plug his ears. Some places that are so quiet that it makes his head hurt. He is afraid of the dark, but bright lights make him edgy (even if he doesn't realize

marymakesgood

marymakesgood

 

The Sibling of a Child with Asperger's

Time moved slowly in our house. Everyone else’s children grew up quickly, became dentists and lawyers, and most of all, best friends as siblings often do,  later in life. Our lives were different. We moved forward in small increments, too often unnoticed, too often unfelt. And our goals were more simple -- get James through sixth grade, be able to go out to dinner as a family without being asked to leave because the kids had a screaming match at the ice cream bar. . .  Once Emma asked me wh

Kristina Lakes

Kristina Lakes

 

WHY?

Learning is defined by dictionary.com as: noun 1. Knowledge acquired by systematic study in any field of scholarly application. 2. The act or process of acquiring knowledge or skill. 3. Psychology. the modification of behavior through practice, training, or experience. Let's look at #3, the modification of behavior through practice, training, or experience. When you really think about this definition it can be exciting or kind of scary. What behaviors are we practicing,
 

Force Doesn't Work Here!

I sometimes feel like dealing with people with Asperger's is like playing Dungeons & Dragons as a Gnome Wizard and then stumbling into a non-magic zone.  "Haha! Your tricks won't work here!"  The "normal" tactics that we reach for as a society tend not to work well with folks on the spectrum. In other words: people with Asperger's tend to not respond well to force. I was on a train last night coming back from Los Angeles and the guy behind me was talking about his experiences

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Give, Not Get

Give, Not Get

This is a paradigm shift that changed my life, so I'd like to share it with you: When we want to change something about a person, place or thing, it is very common in our society to ask "How can I get X to...?" "How can I get my daughter to do her homework?" "How can I get my husband to finally pick up his socks?" "How can I get my computer to stop freezing on me?" Yet when we ask "How can I get?" there are some hidden assumptions there that can be very dangerous and damaging

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

  • Latest Featured Articles

    We should talk about Covid 19

    We should talk about Covid 19

    I’m freaking out. You’re freaking out. We are all losing our marbles. We are in a scary time, there’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of change in routine, and a lot of chaos. At Asperger Experts we aren’t denying that and we don’t want you to deny it either. It is of the utmost importance that for the health of ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors, and complete strangers that we stringently practice empathy, social distancing, washing hands, and if need be social isolation. But in addition t

    Wirtjo Leonard

    Wirtjo Leonard

    Demonstrations VS Declarations: How To Know If You Are An Effective Parent

    Demonstrations VS Declarations: How To Know If You Are An Effective Parent

    I was in Los Angeles last weekend, walking around DTLA and people watching and observed something I had seen thousands of times over the years: Parents telling their kids what to do. Not in the sense of "Throw away your trash" or "Come here", but things like "You need to trust me" and "Calm down". It occurred to me that the most effective parents, the ones that have a deep relationship with their child, and the ones that ultimately raise physically & emotionally healthy children that go

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

     

    Here on Earth

    My 5 year old son, C, is one of a kind. He is the most imaginative person I have ever met. He lives in a world full of magic, but visits our mundane planet to spend time with the people he loves (and for the chocolate).  The sensations on this planet can be hard for him to handle. Some noises are so loud or distracting that he has to plug his ears. Some places that are so quiet that it makes his head hurt. He is afraid of the dark, but bright lights make him edgy (even if he doesn't realize

    marymakesgood

    marymakesgood

    Give, Not Get

    Give, Not Get

    This is a paradigm shift that changed my life, so I'd like to share it with you: When we want to change something about a person, place or thing, it is very common in our society to ask "How can I get X to...?" "How can I get my daughter to do her homework?" "How can I get my husband to finally pick up his socks?" "How can I get my computer to stop freezing on me?" Yet when we ask "How can I get?" there are some hidden assumptions there that can be very dangerous and damaging

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    New Years Resolution Revolution

    New Years Resolution Revolution

    Every year between 2014 and 2019 I told myself that I was going to go the gym. Every year, I was going to get healthy…. I’m going to get healthy, I’m going to get healthy, I’m going to get healthy. But come the first week of January, or any time really, I would be in that gym for 10 minutes max. Sensory overload is the loud noises of weights dropping. The massive amounts of people. Someone engaging me in a conversation that I really don’t care about. It's uncomfortably bypassing a group of ex

    Wirtjo Leonard

    Wirtjo Leonard

     

    Asperger's Means Afraid

    In September, my son James started at his new school. I decided not to tell his teachers about his autism diagnosis. I was determined that he not be labeled. As a teacher myself, I knew what labeling did to a child -- it hurt them, it stunted them. Even though I worked hard not to categorize my special needs’ students, I still sighed when I saw the words “learning disabled” on a student’s file at the beginning of the year. To put it simply, it meant more work for me.  I was determined that

    Kristina Lakes

    Kristina Lakes

    We're returning to Los Angeles for our flagship workshop!

    We're returning to Los Angeles for our flagship workshop!

    We're returning to Los Angeles for our flagship workshop, Deep Into Defense Mode Live! We'll be in Pasadena, CA on March 21st & 22nd, 2020 with 40 awesome individuals ready to get out of Defense Mode, gain some clarity & know what to do when it comes to motivation, relationships & more. In this workshop, we focus on 4 major areas: Understanding Defense Mode - What goes on inside the mind & body of someone with Asperger's when they are in Defense Mode? Stop Wal

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Celebrating Differently with Danny!

    Celebrating Differently with Danny!

    By Ellen Raede (Danny's mom) Raising a son with Asperger's, we often had to celebrate in a different way. Here are three examples: 1) When Danny turned 12, we were on vacation in Seattle.  To celebrate his actual birthday, Danny didn't want a party or special dinner, but instead requested a tour of Microsoft Headquarters.  Fortunately, we had a business acquaintance whose son coordinated a fabulous tour of the campus.  I really didn't understand all of the technical terms or descriptio

    Ellen Raede

    Ellen Raede

    How Emotional and Somatic Balancing Technique helped my Autism

    How Emotional and Somatic Balancing Technique helped my Autism

    Throughout my life I have not been able to relate to people on a level where I feel connected, understood, or accepted, and even more painful . . . in a way I feel loved. There was always a missing piece, a sense of being different, excluded, isolated, and just not part of. I used to love rolling myself up in a rug and feel the tightness around me. I loved my grandmother’s heavy comforter. I could barely slip under it, and as I lied there with this heavy weight from the comforter on my ches

    Eva Angvert Harren

    Eva Angvert Harren

    When My Son Was Diagnosed

    When My Son Was Diagnosed

    Right after James’ diagnosis of autism, his preschool had an end -of -the -year party. Parents talked about their vacation plans while little ones played on the swings and slides. I sat on the curb, away from everyone and glared at them.  I glared at his teachers, who had first referred James for testing. I glared at the kids, who had refused to play with him all year and even now, were avoiding him. I glared at the other parents, especially the woman who had said upon hearing our news, “Oh, we

    Kristina Lakes

    Kristina Lakes

    Are The Holidays Something You Dread?

    Are The Holidays Something You Dread?

    Are the holidays something you dread?  Maybe it’s too many people, high expectation placed upon you or even worse low expectations?  You’re not alone. I can tell you that I approach holidays from a very different place now that I know better.  What do I mean by know better?  I mean listening to my own body and being honest about the capacity I have for celebrations, as well as listening to my twins Lillian & Chloe. Before I understood what Asperger’s/Autism was, I took my daughters

    Gail Carrier

    Gail Carrier

    Coming Out with Autism

    Coming Out with Autism

    Coming Out with Autism By Eva Angvert Harren, Core Coach and Educator Often when we get into recovery we think, “Oh, THAT’s what’s wrong with me! Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I know how to fix it.” If I use the 12 steps and do what they tell me, I’ll become a better wife, mom, daughter, friend…a better whatever! That great awakening happened for me in 1990. The support in the 12-step programs is incredible, and many participants of these programs create a life beyond

    Eva Angvert Harren

    Eva Angvert Harren

    My Experience With AE: I'm Impressed

    My Experience With AE: I'm Impressed

    Note: This letter was emailed in to us, so, with permission, we're posting it on the behalf of the author here. I attended one of Danny’s seminars early this year on Getting Unstuck. I want to share my impressions with you. I was so impressed with the quality of the work he and his partners are doing, the resources they offer, and their international reach…and with the brilliant, courageous participants. I am a psychotherapist specializing in trauma treatment and an executive coac

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    He did what I asked without reminders, and it's only day 2!

    He did what I asked without reminders, and it's only day 2!

    Note: This author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we are posting this for them. Guys. Yesterday C and I discussed mandatory non-electronic down time after school (and what qualifies), then the importance of doing homework and chores before electronics. He rolled around on the floor and moaned for a short time when it came time to do chores, and then he suddenly sat up and with pursed eyebrows said, "I'm feeling overwhelmed." I asked him if he would like me to help

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Three years ago I was depressed. Then I came across AE

    Three years ago I was depressed. Then I came across AE

    Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Three years ago I came across you in a state of acute desperation. My 11 year old eldest daughter had been diagnosed with aspergers, and our life was in chaos. She was decidedly unhappy and angry and we all tip-toed around her sensitivities and tantrums. She would squeeze her head to stop unwelcome thoughts, throw things and destroy her possessions in her anger, and I lived in trepidat

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    I have never been impacted by any experience as much as I was at an Asperger Experts seminar

    I have never been impacted by any experience as much as I was at an Asperger Experts seminar

    Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain semi-anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Dear Asperger Experts; I recently flew from New Jersey, to Seattle, to attend your two day seminar with my 15 year old son who is on the autistic spectrum. I am a physician and have practiced for 16 years, at some of the most prestigious institutions in the country..  I have attended countless seminars and conferences watching presentations of the most innovative advancements

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    It's only been a few days and... wow

    It's only been a few days and... wow

    Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. I have 5 children 2 of which have aspergers, We have struggled for the last few years with my now 14yr old son who is aspergers.  He has been (as we now know) in full defence mode. His school anxiety became so bad 2 years ago that he developed emetaphobia and refused to eat which resulted in dangerous weight loss and him being signed out of school on medical grounds, after a long battl

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    How to motivate by adding direction

    How to motivate by adding direction

    How To Motivate by Adding Direction: There’s a famous scene in Alice in Wonderland where Alice encounters the Cheshire Cat in a tree and asks him for directions. The interchange went something like this: Alice: “I just wanted to ask you about which way I should go.” Cat: “Well, that depends on where you want to get to.” Alice: “Oh, it really doesn’t matter so long as I get somewhere.” Cat: “Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go...” See, your child doesn’t j

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    On bed time arguments & assuming you are right

    On bed time arguments & assuming you are right

    Once upon a time I was coaching a mother and her daughter who was diagnosed with Asperger’s (we’ll call her Sarah). In one particular session, they were having some disagreement about what constituted an appropriate bedtime for a ten year-old. Sarah insisted that she wanted to stay up reading an additional thirty minutes and that she could still wake up on time. Mom was principally opposed to the idea. She said that she frequently had to nag Sarah all the way out of bed and through her morn

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Is it a motivation issue, or a capability issue?

    Is it a motivation issue, or a capability issue?

    Folks, here’s the meat and potatoes: When you’re trying to change or encourage a particular behavior, “capability” is the first and most important place to start. Many people believe that if someone doesn’t appear to be motivated, it’s because they don’t want it. People hardly ever look deeper to find that someone actually does want something, they just don’t have the capacity and capability. As a coach, I see this every day when talking to parents. They tell me they’ve been trying for years to

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Belief, enabling & an electric wheelchair

    Belief, enabling & an electric wheelchair

    I was once working with a mother who had a twenty-something year-old son living in her basement. She complained to me that he never did anything except play video games. I asked her to describe what approaches she had tried so far, and what a typical day looked like. What she said next genuinely surprised me. It turned out that her son had no regard for cleanliness and self-care. So, bless her heart, mom would go down to the basement every day to clean and organize his room. She also said h

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

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