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  • Danny Raede

    He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!

    By Danny Raede

    "Dear Asperger Experts, We are struggling and could really use some advice. We have been trying for months to talk to my son with Asperger’s (age 17) about some of his ongoing issues, and these conversations continually hit a brick wall. He has NO interest in learning basic social skills, getting a job, doing his homework, practicing basic hygiene, eating healthier… the list goes on. In fact, it seems he only cares about playing video games. He almost never leaves his room! When he does com
    • 2 comments
    • 3,852 views
  • Danny Raede

    Three years ago I was depressed. Then I came across AE

    By Danny Raede

    Note: The author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we're posting this on their behalf. Three years ago I came across you in a state of acute desperation. My 11 year old eldest daughter had been diagnosed with aspergers, and our life was in chaos. She was decidedly unhappy and angry and we all tip-toed around her sensitivities and tantrums. She would squeeze her head to stop unwelcome thoughts, throw things and destroy her possessions in her anger, and I lived in trepidat
    • 1 comment
    • 2,010 views
  • Eva Angvert Harren

    Coming Out with Autism

    By Eva Angvert Harren

    Coming Out with Autism By Eva Angvert Harren, Core Coach and Educator Often when we get into recovery we think, “Oh, THAT’s what’s wrong with me! Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I know how to fix it.” If I use the 12 steps and do what they tell me, I’ll become a better wife, mom, daughter, friend…a better whatever! That great awakening happened for me in 1990. The support in the 12-step programs is incredible, and many participants of these programs create a life beyond
    • 8 comments
    • 3,953 views
  • Danny Raede

    Stress: It's only bad if you think it is

    By Danny Raede

    You have never felt more powerful than you do in this moment. You are conscious of your muscles warming up as blood flows into them preparing to handle whatever is about to happen next. You feel the familiar tightening in your chest and neck. The tingle of sweat beginning to form on your skin. Your focus sharpens. You feel awake and alive. What is this amazing feeling? The answer may surprise you: stress. For those of you that have somehow avoided feeling stress this far into your life
    • 1 comment
    • 2,313 views
  • marymakesgood

    Here on Earth

    By marymakesgood

    My 5 year old son, C, is one of a kind. He is the most imaginative person I have ever met. He lives in a world full of magic, but visits our mundane planet to spend time with the people he loves (and for the chocolate).  The sensations on this planet can be hard for him to handle. Some noises are so loud or distracting that he has to plug his ears. Some places that are so quiet that it makes his head hurt. He is afraid of the dark, but bright lights make him edgy (even if he doesn't realize
    • 3 comments
    • 1,450 views

How to Incorporate Self-Care Into Your Routine When You’re Starting a Side Hustle

Image via Pexels The last several decades have brought about revolutionary changes in the jobs available and how people are able to work. In this day and age, it’s possible for someone to not only have a full-time job but also to have a side gig to bring in extra income. While the extra cash is great, juggling work, life, and self-care can be quite the task. And when you live with a condition like Asperger syndrome, there are other daily challenges you must overcome.  Fortunately, ther

CRosenfeld

CRosenfeld in Wellness

6 Things I’ve Learned About Friendship

Danny sent an email the other day with the ‘rules’ for friendship, and it got me thinking about mine. Friendship has long been an obsession of mine. I have a clear memory of being about 9 and watching the other girls at school chatting and having fun. Maintaining friendships looked so effortless for them, whilst to me it felt like they were speaking a language I didn’t understand. I told myself that day I had to work out how the whole thing worked. Ultimately, I've learned there i

Cat Wood

Cat Wood

since i can remember

self sabatage.  that's what i was told i did.  but i think i have only done what i could, and if more is expected, i feel i am at the end of my success, so i turn around and go back, back to start, or near start.  and when i 'greet' success, i am alone anyway, and no one around seems to understand how i feel, it is as though it is no big deal for me to have gotten to success.  it is the norm for others, and enjoyed.  i end up needing to slide back to a less frightening position.  😔  

Susan M C

Susan M C

Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places

The support group for mothers of autistic children met once a month, in an old elementary school.  The women sat at a lunchroom table. I scanned them all, and only one looked as old as me. Ah, well. I was used to being the oldest mother in the room. I walked over to an empty chair, and asked, “Is this seat taken?” A red haired woman answered, “No, have a seat.” As I took my coat off, I noticed that many of the women had their eyes directed to the open door in the back corner of th

Kristina Lakes

Kristina Lakes

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Son was Diagnosed With Asperger's Syndrome

1. Educate yourself. Learn  everything you can about Asperger’s.  2. Get over yourself. Get a doctor. Get a therapist. Get used to receiving help. 3. You will need allies. Gather the troops. Whether it’s family, friends, a support group, or an online group, you will need others to vent to, rejoice with, commiserate with,  and talk to. 4. Tell your child about his or her diagnosis early.  5. You will need boundaries. You’re going to need structure, routine,  and rules. Your da

Kristina Lakes

Kristina Lakes

Co-Dependency & The Rope

Imagine the following. Once upon a time on a beautiful sunny day, you were hiking through the mountains. You had been going for miles when suddenly you come across a deep ravine with a long steep drop and a river far below glittering in the sunshine. Long ago, someone had cut down a large single tree and placed it as a bridge across the expanse of the canyon - from one side to the other, a single narrow log bridge. The narrow log was strong and sturdy. However, with the passage of time it h

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

My Parents Tried Everything. I Was A Nightmare Child.

"The snow fell in a glittering silent curtain all around me. I pressed the phone closer to my ear with cold trembling hands as I listened for the sound of my friend's voice. "Where are you right now?" Hesitating and not hearing a response, my friend Charlie repeated the question. "Where are you?" " "Mmm, I'm at the school." "Okay, good. I'm going to come pick you up. Which school are you at? Can you describe it?" "It's the, um, it's the one close to downtown, Washington elementary

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Black Swans & Confirmation Bias

Sabrina felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She glanced up towards the front of the classroom where professor Horvath was lecturing. He wasn't looking in her direction. Sabrina carefully pulled out her phone and held it underneath the desk as she read her latest text from her friend Kaitlin. "Hey, I just ran into your boyfriend at the mall." What? That didn't make sense. Her boyfriend, Ronnie, was supposed to be at work right now and his office wasn't even on the same side of town as the mall,

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

The Stories I Told Myself Stole My Power

When I was twelve, I started playing a video game called Neverwinter Nights, which rapidly became one of my favorite games of all time. It's essentially an online Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game. One day in-game I was in a tavern in the seedy little part of town and somebody beat me up in-game. When that happens, there's a sound effect when somebody clicks on your little bag to look into it. I heard that sound effect and got really pissed off that somebody had taken all of my stuff. 

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress

Starting in middle school, about when I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I started to get really stressed out once I got home from school. It became a problem for my parents to get me to do homework while at the same time honoring my need to unwind and have that decompression time. What they ended up doing (and what has worked really well ever since) was following this after-school/work schedule that we created through trial and error. Here it is:    The biggest thing that makes this schedule

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

How I Finally Found Relief From My Cataclysmic Panic Attacks

This is the story of how I had cataclysmic level panic attacks and my realization of how to stop them. When I say cataclysmic level, I mean I was curled up in a fetal ball on the floor screaming "I don't want to die" while meanwhile it was a bright, sunny day with zero threat. Another time, I was on an airplane and absolutely convinced that, for whatever reason, I was going to fall through the airplane to my death. It was such an absurd notion that I could even logically see that the laws of phy

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode

When I was deep in Defense Mode, it felt like I was constantly overwhelmed. It felt like I was constantly being attacked. Every single little thing, whether or not it actually had a logical, rational basis for being threatening, changed and colored my entire perspective. So for example: A pen could be threatening in Defense Mode, not because somebody is throwing it at you, but just because it is there, and seeing it triggers you in some way. In Defense Mode, I often felt the need to control

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!

"Dear Asperger Experts, We are struggling and could really use some advice. We have been trying for months to talk to my son with Asperger’s (age 17) about some of his ongoing issues, and these conversations continually hit a brick wall. He has NO interest in learning basic social skills, getting a job, doing his homework, practicing basic hygiene, eating healthier… the list goes on. In fact, it seems he only cares about playing video games. He almost never leaves his room! When he does com

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

I'm Done Grieving What's Not, Now Let's See What Is

The Professionals Know Best, Right? My name is Emma. I live in Northern Colorado and have a son and a daughter. We started with Asperger Experts about five years ago. At the time we had just gotten my son Oliver's diagnosis of Asperger's, so I said to myself "Alright. Well, first thing you do is you get ABA and you listen to what all the doctors and the teachers say." I was also a teacher, I have a a Master's in education so I thought I knew everything about kids and was approaching this fr

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Teenage Girls & Late Diagnosis

Hi. My name is Kim. I have 2 girls, Sophia and Madison who were officially diagnosed at 16.   In high school, Sophia would have these bouts of meltdowns. Normally she would get out of them, but one in particular, she was 15, and she was in her bed acting like a two year old. Literally, not just figuratively, pulling the covers over her head, not talking. So I said, "Sophia, what's going on? What's bothering you? Is it your stomach? Is it this?" And she just said, "ehhh, ehhh". Just screamin

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance

They Locked Him In A Closet. My name is Emily. I'm a mom, and an Aspie. I have two Aspie sons. One is 20. One is 19. I am a retired lawyer who had to hire a lawyer to sue my school district because of what happened with my son. Right off the bat I want to say that I would never have done that by myself. I think you need to have a professional. If you're living in a school district that doesn't want to work with you, if you find yourself at a meeting and you're confused, bring in a professio

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know

Seriously. Take a moment. Breathe. Sit and absorb this message: You are an amazing parent. You know how much you have to put up with that most parents never do? They would probably crack after 1 day in your shoes.  I would say that I don’t know how you do it, but I do (and you do too!). And if you are doubting yourself remember this: We work with over 400,000 people in over 89 countries, so we’ve seen some patterns develop. The so called “bad parents” aren’t the ones reading about Asperger’

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Struggling At School And Finally Getting A Diagnosis

Note: This is from our upcoming book of school stories, written by fellow parents. My name is Katrina. I am a mom of a fourteen-year-old son named David who is diagnosed with ASD at age nine and we live in the UK. When he was in nursery he was very hard to keep in a group and would get very distressed if things changed quickly. So if a nursery nurse didn't give him advanced warning of something changing or if he didn't think something was fair, he'd get very upset and would have a tant

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

My Story: Getting Stuck & Not Fitting In

Let me ask you a question: Do you ever feel like you don't fit in? I felt that way when I was a kid. I was the twelve year old that was happy browsing a forum about a video game. That was my idea of a fun time. Obviously, I didn't have many friends. I didn't go out and do many things. I stayed in and was on the computer.  My world was the computer, and if you took me away from what I knew, I was really sad and really depressed. As I said, I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was twel

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Sometimes You Need To Connect The Dots For Them

The Story of the Time I Flipped Off Antarctica When I was in high school I found Geography to be an exceptionally boring class. My teacher was awesome, and he did his best to make it interesting, but, sometimes, there’s only so much you can do when it comes to memorizing countries and capitals. On one fateful Thursday I was sitting there, wriggling around in my tan plastic chair trying to get comfortable, when the assignment of the day slid onto the desk in front of me. Apparently, I was ex

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method

Allow me to provide you with a simple but powerful script that you can use as a template for having uncomfortable conversations when you need to hold boundaries... without walking on eggshells. It's called the X, Y, Z method and it has three parts: When you did X in Y situation, I felt Z. That might sound something like this; "When you came home an hour after curfew last night, I felt worried." Or to give another example; "When you left your coat on the living room floor after school y

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)

Do you feel that? Right there in your chest. . . Listen. . . That’s your heart. That’s what’s keeping you alive right now. If you’re like most people, your heart will have beat roughly 4,800 times in the last hour (80 times per minute). However, what you may not realize is that not all of those beats were exactly the same. Most people’s heartbeat tends to be pretty steady but not perfectly so. Some beats happen a little faster and therefore closer together. Others are just a little slo

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

My Anxiety As A Parent Prevented Me From Seeing This

"My name is Sarah, I have a 23 year old and a 15 year old. My 15 year old was diagnosed with ASD and in the beginning, we were pretty desperate. It got really bad. We're talking about near-hospitalization, therapeutic schools, lots of trauma. Day to day life was just nearly impossible.  When my daughter was 11, It was really bad. There were lots of meltdowns and frustration and I was in a constant state of anxiety. It didn't feel like anxiety. It felt like anger and frustration and desperat

Danny Raede

Danny Raede

  • Start With These Articles

    The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress

    Starting in middle school, about when I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I started to get really stressed out once I got home from school. It became a problem for my parents to get me to do homework while at the same time honoring my need to unwind and have that decompression time. What they ended up doing (and what has worked really well ever since) was following this after-school/work schedule that we created through trial and error. Here it is:    The biggest thing that makes this schedule

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode

    When I was deep in Defense Mode, it felt like I was constantly overwhelmed. It felt like I was constantly being attacked. Every single little thing, whether or not it actually had a logical, rational basis for being threatening, changed and colored my entire perspective. So for example: A pen could be threatening in Defense Mode, not because somebody is throwing it at you, but just because it is there, and seeing it triggers you in some way. In Defense Mode, I often felt the need to control

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!

    "Dear Asperger Experts, We are struggling and could really use some advice. We have been trying for months to talk to my son with Asperger’s (age 17) about some of his ongoing issues, and these conversations continually hit a brick wall. He has NO interest in learning basic social skills, getting a job, doing his homework, practicing basic hygiene, eating healthier… the list goes on. In fact, it seems he only cares about playing video games. He almost never leaves his room! When he does com

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance

    They Locked Him In A Closet. My name is Emily. I'm a mom, and an Aspie. I have two Aspie sons. One is 20. One is 19. I am a retired lawyer who had to hire a lawyer to sue my school district because of what happened with my son. Right off the bat I want to say that I would never have done that by myself. I think you need to have a professional. If you're living in a school district that doesn't want to work with you, if you find yourself at a meeting and you're confused, bring in a professio

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know

    Seriously. Take a moment. Breathe. Sit and absorb this message: You are an amazing parent. You know how much you have to put up with that most parents never do? They would probably crack after 1 day in your shoes.  I would say that I don’t know how you do it, but I do (and you do too!). And if you are doubting yourself remember this: We work with over 400,000 people in over 89 countries, so we’ve seen some patterns develop. The so called “bad parents” aren’t the ones reading about Asperger’

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method

    Allow me to provide you with a simple but powerful script that you can use as a template for having uncomfortable conversations when you need to hold boundaries... without walking on eggshells. It's called the X, Y, Z method and it has three parts: When you did X in Y situation, I felt Z. That might sound something like this; "When you came home an hour after curfew last night, I felt worried." Or to give another example; "When you left your coat on the living room floor after school y

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)

    Do you feel that? Right there in your chest. . . Listen. . . That’s your heart. That’s what’s keeping you alive right now. If you’re like most people, your heart will have beat roughly 4,800 times in the last hour (80 times per minute). However, what you may not realize is that not all of those beats were exactly the same. Most people’s heartbeat tends to be pretty steady but not perfectly so. Some beats happen a little faster and therefore closer together. Others are just a little slo

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    The Most Effective Way To Motivate Someone With Asperger's

    The Issue Isn't That They Are Unmotivated (Here's Why) In my experience, most people that manage to roll themselves out of bed in the morning and engage in some activity besides staring at a wall all day are motivated people. How do I know that? Because they’re moving with a purpose.  Psychology has a much broader definition for motivation than most of us. Someone might think of the motivation behind a morning jog as the desire to be happier and get in shape. However, a psychologist wo

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede

    Defense Mode: Why people with Asperger's seem stuck & shutdown so often

    "Everyone is always doing as well as they can within their personal limitations, their personal history, what they know and don't know and what they're feeling in that moment. If they could make a healthier decision, they would. This includes you." - Carl Alasko, PhD. Not Now, Grandma!  Imagine a young soldier crouching behind a rocky outcropping. Bullets are flying overhead and explosions are booming in the distance. She feels trapped. Beneath her mud splattered military fatigues, her

    Danny Raede

    Danny Raede in General

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