Parents of Special Needs Kids: Recognizing and Treating Your Fatigue
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Belief, enabling & an electric wheelchair
By Danny Raede
I was once working with a mother who had a twenty-something year-old son living in her basement. She complained to me that he never did anything except play video games. I asked her to describe what approaches she had tried so far, and what a typical day looked like. What she said next genuinely surprised me. It turned out that her son had no regard for cleanliness and self-care. So, bless her heart, mom would go down to the basement every day to clean and organize his room. She also said h- 0 comments
- 1,802 views
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He did what I asked without reminders, and it's only day 2!
By Danny Raede
Note: This author of this letter has asked to remain anonymous, so we are posting this for them. Guys. Yesterday C and I discussed mandatory non-electronic down time after school (and what qualifies), then the importance of doing homework and chores before electronics. He rolled around on the floor and moaned for a short time when it came time to do chores, and then he suddenly sat up and with pursed eyebrows said, "I'm feeling overwhelmed." I asked him if he would like me to help- 0 comments
- 1,327 views
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Spoon theory & capacity issues
By Danny Raede
In 2003 a brilliant woman by the name of Christine Miserandino published an essay entitled “The Spoon Theory” which went on to change the way people think about mental and physical challenges. Here’s the short and sweet version: “Spoons” is a metaphor, a code word, to describe and measure how much physical and emotional capacity each of us has to get through the day. Imagine you start the day bright and early with ten Spoons. You use up one Spoon getting out of bed and getting ready, then a- 4 comments
- 9,113 views
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Stress: It's only bad if you think it is
By Danny Raede
You have never felt more powerful than you do in this moment. You are conscious of your muscles warming up as blood flows into them preparing to handle whatever is about to happen next. You feel the familiar tightening in your chest and neck. The tingle of sweat beginning to form on your skin. Your focus sharpens. You feel awake and alive. What is this amazing feeling? The answer may surprise you: stress. For those of you that have somehow avoided feeling stress this far into your life- 1 comment
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Celebrating Differently with Danny!
By Ellen Raede
By Ellen Raede (Danny's mom) Raising a son with Asperger's, we often had to celebrate in a different way. Here are three examples: 1) When Danny turned 12, we were on vacation in Seattle. To celebrate his actual birthday, Danny didn't want a party or special dinner, but instead requested a tour of Microsoft Headquarters. Fortunately, we had a business acquaintance whose son coordinated a fabulous tour of the campus. I really didn't understand all of the technical terms or descriptio- 7 comments
- 3,631 views
Autism and Speech Therapy: 4 Questions All Parents Should Ask
Any advice?
Karen P in Off to college
How to Incorporate Self-Care Into Your Routine When You’re Starting a Side Hustle
6 Things I’ve Learned About Friendship
since i can remember
Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Son was Diagnosed With Asperger's Syndrome
Co-Dependency & The Rope
My Parents Tried Everything. I Was A Nightmare Child.
Black Swans & Confirmation Bias
The Stories I Told Myself Stole My Power
The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress
How I Finally Found Relief From My Cataclysmic Panic Attacks
What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode
He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!
I'm Done Grieving What's Not, Now Let's See What Is
Teenage Girls & Late Diagnosis
School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance
You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know
Struggling At School And Finally Getting A Diagnosis
My Story: Getting Stuck & Not Fitting In
Sometimes You Need To Connect The Dots For Them
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Start With These Articles
The After School Schedule That Helped Me De-Stress
Starting in middle school, about when I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I started to get really stressed out once I got home from school. It became a problem for my parents to get me to do homework while at the same time honoring my need to unwind and have that decompression time. What they ended up doing (and what has worked really well ever since) was following this after-school/work schedule that we created through trial and error. Here it is: The biggest thing that makes this schedule What It Feels Like To Be In Defense Mode
When I was deep in Defense Mode, it felt like I was constantly overwhelmed. It felt like I was constantly being attacked. Every single little thing, whether or not it actually had a logical, rational basis for being threatening, changed and colored my entire perspective. So for example: A pen could be threatening in Defense Mode, not because somebody is throwing it at you, but just because it is there, and seeing it triggers you in some way. In Defense Mode, I often felt the need to control He Only Cares About Being On His Computer And Almost Never Leaves His Room. Help!
"Dear Asperger Experts, We are struggling and could really use some advice. We have been trying for months to talk to my son with Asperger’s (age 17) about some of his ongoing issues, and these conversations continually hit a brick wall. He has NO interest in learning basic social skills, getting a job, doing his homework, practicing basic hygiene, eating healthier… the list goes on. In fact, it seems he only cares about playing video games. He almost never leaves his room! When he does com School Accommodations & The Alphabet Soup of Assistance
They Locked Him In A Closet. My name is Emily. I'm a mom, and an Aspie. I have two Aspie sons. One is 20. One is 19. I am a retired lawyer who had to hire a lawyer to sue my school district because of what happened with my son. Right off the bat I want to say that I would never have done that by myself. I think you need to have a professional. If you're living in a school district that doesn't want to work with you, if you find yourself at a meeting and you're confused, bring in a professio You Aren't A Bad Parent. Here's How We Know
Seriously. Take a moment. Breathe. Sit and absorb this message: You are an amazing parent. You know how much you have to put up with that most parents never do? They would probably crack after 1 day in your shoes. I would say that I don’t know how you do it, but I do (and you do too!). And if you are doubting yourself remember this: We work with over 400,000 people in over 89 countries, so we’ve seen some patterns develop. The so called “bad parents” aren’t the ones reading about Asperger’ Having Accountability Conversations: The XYZ Method
Allow me to provide you with a simple but powerful script that you can use as a template for having uncomfortable conversations when you need to hold boundaries... without walking on eggshells. It's called the X, Y, Z method and it has three parts: When you did X in Y situation, I felt Z. That might sound something like this; "When you came home an hour after curfew last night, I felt worried." Or to give another example; "When you left your coat on the living room floor after school y The Biological Basis For Defense Mode (Understanding The Vagus Nerve)
Do you feel that? Right there in your chest. . . Listen. . . That’s your heart. That’s what’s keeping you alive right now. If you’re like most people, your heart will have beat roughly 4,800 times in the last hour (80 times per minute). However, what you may not realize is that not all of those beats were exactly the same. Most people’s heartbeat tends to be pretty steady but not perfectly so. Some beats happen a little faster and therefore closer together. Others are just a little slo The Most Effective Way To Motivate Someone With Asperger's
The Issue Isn't That They Are Unmotivated (Here's Why) In my experience, most people that manage to roll themselves out of bed in the morning and engage in some activity besides staring at a wall all day are motivated people. How do I know that? Because they’re moving with a purpose. Psychology has a much broader definition for motivation than most of us. Someone might think of the motivation behind a morning jog as the desire to be happier and get in shape. However, a psychologist wo Defense Mode: Why people with Asperger's seem stuck & shutdown so often
"Everyone is always doing as well as they can within their personal limitations, their personal history, what they know and don't know and what they're feeling in that moment. If they could make a healthier decision, they would. This includes you." - Carl Alasko, PhD. Not Now, Grandma! Imagine a young soldier crouching behind a rocky outcropping. Bullets are flying overhead and explosions are booming in the distance. She feels trapped. Beneath her mud splattered military fatigues, her
