self sabatage. that's what i was told i did. but i think i have only done what i could, and if more is expected, i feel i am at the end of my success, so i turn around and go back, back to start, or near start. and when i 'greet' success, i am alone anyway, and no one around seems to understand how i feel, it is as though it is no big deal for me to have gotten to success. it is the norm for others, and enjoyed. i end up needing to slide back to a less frightening position.