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2 things to remember when seeking independence for your Asperger's child

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Danny Raede

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We’ve unfortunately heard this story thousands of times. School ends, the services dry up, and a wonderful young person with Asperger’s and all the potential in the world ends up playing video games in their room all day, refusing to get a job and move forward with their life.

It sucks. So whether you are in this situation, or worried about what will happen to your child when that time finally comes, here are 3 things to remember:

#1 - It’s rarely a willingness issue

We’ve talked to thousands of young adults with Asperger’s, and you want to know what the most common thing they say is?

“I wish I wasn’t such a disappointment. I wish I wasn’t such a burden.”

Even if they are adamantly refusing to move their life forward, it is rarely a willingness issue. 99% of the time, they are just so scared and freaking out inside that they literally don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any change.

So you help them by holding space, getting out of Defense Mode and helping them feel safe.

#2 - It’s not your fault

Looking for blame or fault is an impossible quest. In a highly inter-dependent world where everyone is influenced on a daily basis from everything from the internet, to the people they are around, to that burrito they ate last Tuesday, it is impossible to determine what caused something, or who is to blame.

So don’t. Move past blame. Forgive yourself. Start anew. Realize that you are doing the best you can with the resources that you have. If you want to do better, it might be time to gain some new resources.

Learn a new perspective. Gain a new tool. Understand at a deeper level. Take a different approach.

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