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Building in an emotional buffer so you have a solid foundation


Danny Raede

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I’ve noticed the theme of my personal life over the past 6 months has been building a solid foundation, so I’d like to share some thoughts that may help you:

I’ve observed that most people’s problem solving strategy is “Oh crap! There’s a problem! How do I fix it now? Hurry!” As you’ve probably noticed, that doesn’t work all that well. It is extremely stressful and doesn’t actually do much to solve a problem, because inevitably you end up making decisions out of fear, and as one AE+ member put it this morning, “If your guidance is all based on your own fears and catastrophizing, then your guidance is going to be pretty poor and the trust will wear out pretty quickly. I've found that when I'm doing things based on fear I'm also doing things to take care of my own emotions, and consequently I'm not in touch with my son and where he's at.”

Instead, what I’ve learned to do that has drastically improved my life is focus on building a foundation. That means in the “good” times, when you aren’t in direct putting out fires mode, that is when you get to work.

That may mean saving up some money so that when/if shit hits the fan you’ll be ready. That may mean learning how to cook healthier food so you don’t get sick or too stressed in the first place.

That may mean improving the air quality in your home. Or that may mean establishing a solid foundation of communication.

Everything except that last one is pretty self explanatory. What I mean by a solid foundation of communication is taking time to co-create a list of words, definitions, expectations & values that your family lives by. This is usually done when everyone is calm, cool & collected. (There's more on how to do that here.)

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