I sometimes feel like dealing with people with Asperger's is like playing Dungeons & Dragons as a Gnome Wizard and then stumbling into a non-magic zone.
"Haha! Your tricks won't work here!"
The "normal" tactics that we reach for as a society tend not to work well with folks on the spectrum.
In other words: people with Asperger's tend to not respond well to force. I was on a train last night coming back from Los Angeles and the guy behind me was talking about his experiences in military school, and all I could think of was that if someone came up and started yelling at me and telling me what to do, I'd either just laugh at their attempt to control and intimidate me, or shut down and curl up into a fetal ball (depending on how stressed I am that day).
What DOES work is helping them get out of Defense Mode. Validating their emotions, holding space for them, and communicating in a softer, gentler way. It's important to remember that folks on the spectrum are usually REALLY overwhelmed already, and so the best thing you can do is make them less stressed, not more.
So ask yourself "What is causing them stress, and whats the best way to remove that stress?" and then start from there.
That being said, all humans need some stressors, and having them hide in their room all day and avoid the world isn't product either (and actually causes them more stress). So it's a fine line and a fine balance between the two things.
So here's my question to you: What do you to to try to find that balance? I'd love to hear from you in the comments.