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How the pandemic is effecting an Aspie




So... I posted this to my timeline to document and help me cope with the current world as this seems to help me cope a little better and a dear friend suggested that I document things.....

This is to give people insight into what this pandemic is like from someone who has autism .... This is not an end all be all fits every situation sort of thing.. I am just documenting it so people can understand how one Aspie is trying to cope..

Right now I am overstimulated by people... news... places.. etc...... I have posted on my timeline in the past about over stimulation and its impacts on someone who is Autistic.... but here is a refresher. over stimulation comes in many many many forms when your autistic.... it can be lighting (florescent lighting for me) it can be noise.... it can be temp. It can be a crowded room or an uncrowded room with few people and everyone yelling..It can be the hum you hear because of electricity (yes I hear the hum) or the flicker of lights to the mhz of electricity.. it really could be anything to be honest..

Right now to me it feels like I am drinking from the fire hose when it comes to stimulation... so even the littlest things trigger stuff.... I have also been having mini melt downs...

What is a mini melt down you may ask... glad you asked... a mini meltdown manifests for me in a few ways... In some cases I begin to stutter very badly, other cases I shut down and go silent, there are many many other ways I have mini meltdowns. But, sometimes I also get on a mini emotional roller coaster and overload (I imagine this is how some women who are on their cycle feel though being male I can't confirm)...Imagine breaking out in tears at telling someone thank you for being there.... It is this last one I want to talk about... because I think other Aspies might run into this during this time... so I want people to be aware and understand and help when they can....

So yesterday I went to the store and had a dejavu moment from an event that happened when I was younger. I went to a market in East Germany to buy something. During my trip last night I was having mini meltdowns and did not really realize it until I thought about it today... As I was hunting and gathering I was also watching the workers.. and they seemed very dejected...

So I started making it a point of thanking those people for what they were doing... They were literally trying to make me safe.. even though I am sure they do not see it that way.... I do... so I started to walk up to a point (social distancing)... and thank each and every one of them... this is where the roller coaster starts... suddenly I started to get very very sad... and upset.... which triggered stimming.... it also caused me to panic buy some things I did not really have room for. I know some of this is normal herd mentality but some is also Aspie wanting to make sure I am safe and prepared... Sometimes I feel like a damned Boy Scout because of this and you can see it when I go to a con when I bring my full toolkit or my Jewish mother bag full of food on trips (thanks Mom... but to this day I still refuse to eat Vienna sausages (a story for another time))...

The point I guess I am trying to make here is for those who are Autistic like me or have relatives who are, children who are... please understand when it seems like we are behaving weirder than normal... its all part of this over-stim situation..

We are trying to cope and adapt.... cause our world of binary rules and decision trees are not working right now... the scrabble board has been tossed in the air and we are scrambling to figure out how to put our world back in order.. so please be a little more patient with us.... cause we usually think NT's are a little bat #@!% crazy in normal situations... imagine that turned up to 11 and that's what we are having to deal with at the moment... and little things can trigger mini meltdowns.... empty shelves...etc...

Again... Love each other... help each other and we will get through to the other side....

Closing the Cave door and leaving the candle in the window..

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Ever since the pandemic started, I stopped going to the therapy center and stayed home when my sister came home from college after schools started to close. I know this is not normal at all. During the first days of the pandemic, I was triggered by fear and anxiety that I ended up getting cabin fever while being quarantined at home. But now I'm practicing mindfulness everyday by taking deep breaths, exercising, going outside to feel the sun, and other hobbies that keep me sane.

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