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Triggered By Fear

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VictoriaDeG100

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I've been staying at home self-quarantining myself for over a week since this epidemic became a pandemic. Last Sunday, I tried to stay calm with myself, hoping that everything will be okay as there is always hope that things will get better if we do our part self-distancing ourselves from other crowds 6 feet apart. But when I was having leftover Mexican food for lunch, I yelled at my parents that I'm not gonna finish everything. The way I yelled was for them to grab my attention by listening to every word I said. Then my mom told me to lower down my voice and she reminded me that some countries during this pandemic don't have enough to eat, like the Philippines, the country my parents originally immigrated from before moving to the United States. When I ate my lunch, I felt upset and anxious like I was losing control of my emotions while trying to remain calm.

Then after lunch, I worked on a 1,000 piece puzzle that me and my sisters worked on at the living room coffee table to help me relax. I set a timer on my phone for 30 minutes and once the 30 minutes were up, I resetted the puzzle from the very beginning by doing this puzzle all by myself without any help from anyone. I worked on this puzzle without taking a break and when other people in my family were asking me questions, I freaked out and yelled that I just wanna be alone. One time, my parents asked me if I wanna join them for a walk and I said no. While I was in the middle of the puzzle, I snapped my rubber band frequently to help me relax even though everyone in my family thought I was hurting myself that they questioned why I always wear a rubber band. I wear that rubber band to help me control myself with my habits, from fidgeting to emotional problems.

6:00 at night flew by and I was still working on the puzzle. I didn't take any breaks since I started. I was more relaxed than I was during lunch. My family told me on a group text that it was time to pray the rosary at 6:30. Instead of getting ready for the rosary, I still worked on the puzzle. I didn't stop on the puzzle until Mikayla called me that it was time to pray the rosary and I was 4 or 5 minutes late when I was ready. Then after the rosary was dinner. I resumed on the puzzle without setting the table that my dad told me to set the table, which I didn't and Mikayla set the table instead. But then I came to the dinner table after my mom told me there's Cheesecake Factory bread that she got from the groceries at the table. So I stopped on the puzzle and went to the table.

During dinner, me and my family had a talk based on what's been bothering me all day. I cried how things aren't normal like they're supposed to be with this outbreak going on around the world. It's like we're experiencing the dark days of life even though we shouldn't compare it to some kind of zombie apocalypse on the news. They told me that everything will be okay. They understood how stressed I was when I worked on that puzzle all by myself all day that they were aware I was consumed on the puzzle. So then they reminded me on the puzzle I worked on with my cousins back in the Philippines. It was a way to tell me that I should give my share to other people.

My parents are doctors and their job is to help sick people as well as find a cure for this coronavirus. The way they work is to help the family. I don't have a full-time or part-time job yet and I haven't been to the therapy center for days. Since I didn't go to the therapy center, I haven't resumed working on AIM like I always do. They also encouraged me to go outside in the backyard to catch a breath of fresh air and sunlight. When I stayed inside my house during this pandemic putting myself under quarantine, I shutted myself down from going outside since there were 2 cases in my hometown that were tested positive for the coronavirus that I was too scared to go outside until this outbreak comes to an end. This shows that social distancing means not staying inside my home 24/7 until this pandemic ends. What they were telling me during dinner is that everything will be alright if I do my part putting an end to this outbreak by practicing good habits of healthy hygiene and social distancing. It shows that during these dark days, there are stars that shine a light on the night sky.

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MomANDPro

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Posted

Hang in there.  There are many feeling stuck and scared.  Please try and find a TV show you like, and binge watch it (nothing scary, oaky? No scary shows/movies).     Listen to music, sing along and dance to it.

Try Google Hangouts with some people.   

Additionally, if you have a therapist, they are supposed to be giving you sessions online or on the phone.

Hang in there, this too shall pass.

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VictoriaDeG100

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Posted (edited)

On 3/28/2020 at 4:27 PM, MomANDPro said:

Hang in there.  There are many feeling stuck and scared.  Please try and find a TV show you like, and binge watch it (nothing scary, oaky? No scary shows/movies).     Listen to music, sing along and dance to it.

Try Google Hangouts with some people.   

Additionally, if you have a therapist, they are supposed to be giving you sessions online or on the phone.

Hang in there, this too shall pass.

I have a therapist and we started doing video sessions. We originally used Skype before we switched to Zoom.

Edited by VictoriaDeG100

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