The 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes

The biggest mistakes parents make when parenting someone with Asperger's... and how to avoid them

Why We Wrote This Book

Why write this book?

People contact us with their amazing stories of hope, optimism, challenges, and growth. Our customers, friends and clients astound us with their authenticity, creativity, and honesty. We are humbled and grateful that we can learn from these incredible and vulnerable stories. This is truly a fantastic journey.

We see threads and patterns throughout these stories, and they resonate with our own, so we decided to capture some of those threads here. These are perspectives from school age children, adults who remember being children, adults who are parents themselves, and community that supports our families and each other. We are extremely fortunate to see so much insightful experience.

It is our hope that through reading this book and learning of the 10 big mistakes, you can make life for your family just that much better.

Get The 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes Book

Available as a digital download ebook. Physical book coming soon!

Only $20

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Is this book for you?

This IS for you if:

  • You are a parent/grandparent/caregiver of someone with Asperger's/PDD-NOS/Autism (officially diagnosed or not).
  • You want to learn how to be a better parent
  • You are someone who just wants to learn better influence & people skills.

What Comes With The Book

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Once you purchase, you'll be part of the AE family. That means support & help when you need it. Have a question about the book? Need help with billing or logistical issues? Our customer experience team is here to help you get the most out of the book.

Book Reads On Any Modern Device

Your book will read on any modern device such as a kindle, iPad, computer or phone. The book is yours to read & access anywhere in the world, your access never expires, and you can download the book files to take on the go.

1 Year Money Back Guarantee

Try out the book for an entire year. If you aren't completely thrilled with the results you see, just email us. We'll give you a full refund with no hassle, no questions, and nothing to send back. As it should be.

A Sample From The 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes Book

Are there common mistakes that parents make that can provide opportunities to learn? We say yes! (We have made most of them ourselves!)

In our own lives, and in the lives of people who share their stories with us, we see patterns of behavior and choices made that apply to lots of people. How each family or parent applies their philosophy can be as individual as the child or children they parent. That being said, when you zoom out and look at the situations from a distance, there are some repeating themes we see, and we are going to dive into them here.

For just a minute - take a look in the mirror. You know the one; that metaphorical mirror you bring out when you want to take a look at yourself. Drop your guard. Take a deep breath. Allow yourself to be perfectly imperfectly you, for just a quick look.

When we really look at ourselves, we have to acknowledge that, as human beings, we are not perfect. We each have our issues in life, and those affect how we move through situations, control environments, and have expectations of other people in our lives and our world. We want to be comfortable, and we want our loved ones to be comfortable as well, minimizing suffering and maximizing growth and learning. Parents come to the job without an instruction manual or even much cultural training. Parenting is a tough job, and we do it with all our hearts. We sometimes just do not know how to proceed, and we want to do our best. Alternatively, we may think we know exactly what to do, and yet no one else seems to get with our program. We just do not get the results we are seeking.

Let’s face it, our kids have traits in common with us, and we might not understand how they may choose to express them. Perhaps we do not interpret them in the same way. Many items on this list of “mistakes” are actually parents trying to say, “I stepped up and learned how to function in this world, and you will too! If you just do as as I tell you, it will be fine.” We want our children to trust us and try what we suggest because we know it works for ourselves.

What our children need, however, is the opportunity to process and learn in the moment. They need us to hold space for them consistently, even when it is inconvenient to do so. It is amazing how much of ourselves we see in our kids. We want to help them avoid the errors and habits that we have found to be nonproductive. Children do not possess adult level processing abilities. They have a more limited vocabulary, and limited experience facing and expressing difficult concepts. They may use a word incorrectly but they struggle with what they mean to say. Holding space allows you to listen for their meaning, and to ensure you understand.

That being said, just because something we have tried does not work for us as people or parents, does not mean it will not work for our children. You have to set aside what you think you know, and listen, and then co-create solutions with your family, and go on to iterate those solutions for steady, measurable improvement.

Heather remembers: “When my son was diagnosed with Asperger’s, we really needed some help. We needed to encourage independence and interdependence. We needed to lessen anxiety, and we needed to make sure important deadlines were kept (school assignments, appointments, and other commitments that required a timely arrival.) We needed help as parents because we both had a few traditional approaches and expectations. We would ask for tasks to be completed and they would not be. We would establish limits and expect that our son knew what to do within those limits. We spoke sharply when those limits were crossed, unsure of the reasons and what to do next. We might get loud. Get frustrated. Get tired. We would then get up the next day and do it all again.”

Could that be our rigidity? Could that be how we, as parents, grew up? By the way, all parents deserve credit; it is a tough job. Parents of kids with Asperger’s deserve kudos. Parenting is hard. It is the hardest job we will ever love. It is also the most rewarding job in the world. Parenting any kid is challenging. Parenting a kid with non-neurotypical development has its own challenges. Our kids who are on the spectrum experience a lot of failure in a day. Failure to understand body language. Failure to understand language. Failure to be able to bend and flex in ways that everyday surprises in a routine can demand. Failure to understand “why?”. Failure to be able to communicate their internal rules, or to understand that others do not share those same rules.

People with neurotypical “wiring” and resiliency find these changes pretty navigable, and coping with them to be pretty straightforward (for the most part.) For someone with non-neurotypical “wiring”, however, coping with these changes and challenges can take everything they have. Eventually there just is nothing left with which to cope, and the result is failure, profound anxiety and Defense Mode.

These failures are frustrating. They increase our rigidity, because whatever safe space remains inside is worth protecting. They shut us down - if all we do is fail, why keep trying? Why push through the difficulty? Why bother figuring life out? This line of thinking can keep a person shut down for quite a while.

This is the time to seize the opportunity for reframing! Reframing is the ability to change one's perspective to look at problems differently in an attempt to understand them and process better solutions. How do we reframe failure? I’m so glad you asked!

Failure is iterative success. That means that when you fail, you get to try again with more information, which will bring you closer to success. It is time to teach our kids the resiliency to stretch into these patterns of trying again and again, ultimately sticking through the entire journey.

Please keep in mind: when meltdowns occur, there are reasons. People and even animals are not trying to be manipulative when they are being “difficult”. They are trying to get what they need. Exerting more control is rarely the answer.

Get The 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes Book

Available as a digital download ebook. Physical book coming soon!

Only $20

Buy The Book

Customer Questions & Answers

Q. What devices does the ebook work on?

A. We support all modern devices, including tablets, smartphones, kindles and computers. You are welcome to download the book to as many devices as you'd like.

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A. We use industry standard SSL encryption via PayPal to ensure that your payment information is secure & protected.

Q. Should I start with this book or something else?

A. It really depends on where you are in The AE Process. We highly suggest that you take a look at our overview of the AE Process here if you haven't already, and then decide from there.

That being said, this booke can stand alone, so if this resonates with you, buy it. You won't regret it.

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A. Once you purchase the course through our secure checkout system, we will email you a username & password to login and access your ebook and any other books or courses you may have purchased from us.. For any future courses and books you buy from us, you'll use that same username & password, then choose the course or book you wish to access.

You can access your downloads area on any modern device, including smartphones, tablets, laptops and computers. There is no limit to the number of devices you can have logged in.

Q. Can I access the ebook on multiple devices, or just one?

A. You can login to access this book (and any other courses or books you may have purchased from us) on as many devices as you want, from anywhere in the world. Access never expires.

Q. Can I download the ebook?

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Get The 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes Book

Available as a digital download ebook. Physical book coming soon!

Only $20

Buy The Book

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