Whose Fault Is It?

We live in a very interesting age.

The age of google, and youtube, and ebooks, and siri.

All of the knowledge in the world is at your fingertips 24/7

And yet, one of the biggest questions we get still is How.

How do I do X?

And yes, information overload plays a part in this, in which there is so much info that you dont know who to trust.

But just as big of a part is your world view.

There are really 2 views:

Life is happening to me


I am happening to life

In the first one, you give up all control and personal power by blaming everything else in life.

Don’t like your job but can’t get a new one? It must be the economy.

Having a bad relationship with your son or daughter? It’s their fault.

School refusing to give you services? Obviously that has nothing at all to do with how you or your child is acting.

On the other hand….

We have “I am happening to life”

Here’s what that looks like:

Don’t like your job, but can’t get a new one? Keep searching, create your own, do all that you have to in order to make it happen. Google. Get advice, guidance, etc

Having a bad relationship? It may be you after all, do some inner work to see how you can change.

School refusing to give you services? Try a different approach, a different school etc.

Sounds simple enough right?

There’s one catch:

The good stuff you take credit for.. but you gotta take credit for the bad too.

In other words… your failures are a direct result of YOU. Not anyone else.

But instead of wallowing in self pity… try dusting yourself off, learning from your mistakes, and trying again with your new knowledge.

And parents.. this applies just as much to you as it does to anyone else. You are definitely not excluded from this message.

28 thoughts on “Whose Fault Is It?

  1. Thank you so much for all your doing it truly gives us hope my 11 year old has autism and its truly been a struggle your videos are amazing your loving understanding and caring hearts are truly a reflection of the wonderful people that you are thank you so much for all that you do it means a lot it helps to know that you’re not alone.

  2. Thank you Danny and Hayden just for sharing not only advice but your thoughts. I have identical 6yr old twin boys that have Asperger’s and Sensory Processing Disorder. This site and the videos have helped me so much with understanding how thier minds work and other ways I would have never thought of on my own to communicate with them. This year has been extremely hard for me since they started to hit,kick, throw and tear things at school and only at school. I have spent week after week of getting phone calls from the school and fighting not only for the services at the school but the appropriate language in the IEP to hold everyone accountable for its execution and not just the child. Last night I told my son Jordan, “I can not do it for you”. “What you are doing is unacceptable and only you can stop yourself”.

    I have made sure the school is doing what they are supposed to do, both go to Occupational Therapy, we do social stories, we talk about things, they are on a schedule, I use positive reinforcers but he has to take the next step and decide what he is going to do. When I dropped him off this morning, I told him “It is all up to you, do what you want”. So far not a call from the school. I am so stressed fighting everyone to just do the right thing, I’m just exhausted. Instead of me pushing him to do all the right things to do which he knows, I am letting him decide what his next step will be.

    I am holding him accountable along with the school. It took the entire year with reading tons of books and research but I now have psychological services, occupational services, a cool down room, reset walks when needed all while in general education. I get a daily tracking chart that each twin fills out daily with visuals on them and both have visual schedules everyday.

    I have the same struggles all of the parents have on here with them only being motivated on the tasks they want to do, determining how to discipline and helping them understand the neurotypical world. I have been a single parent since they were born and I work full time and it is rough. I feel blessed though that I get to see the world in a very different way and I am now smarter than a 5th grader based on what I have learned from my 6 year olds and their topics of obsession. I know they can have a great life from what I am learning from Danny and Hayden. Thanks again to you and all the parents and Aspies that share with the rest of us.

  3. I have always been a proponent of “ownership”—-you must accept that you may have had something to do with things not going the way you would like them to. You and you alone made the choice. Regardless of what led you to that choice, at that very last moment–the last instance before acting upon something—it was your choice!!!

  4. I have autism, I was diagnosed in 2012. I am older now, and the autism is new, but of course, not new. I have memories of it, and how I was affected. Messages like this one, which you sent to my inbox, are very good for me to read, and perhaps I will someday buy some of your material. I am waiting to get to a place where I can sit down and read for a while, and hopefully get a chance to actually LEARN something that will change my life. I think even this message is encouraging to me to want to buy your latest package. I hope I get the chance and hope I am encouraged by my supports, my current ones. I hope it is never too late. Thank you for what you have done. (I kinda haven’t decided if I want the hard copy too, or not) since my internet is not the greatest.) thanks, again. Susan C.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *